All relationships feel tension from time-to-time. Sometimes that tension comes from a direct problem. Like when you and your partner have a squabble or large fight over something very important to the relationship.
Other times, there are small things that slowly eat away at the comfort of a relationship. These problems can seem almost nothing at all. However, over time even the smallest problem can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The key is to learn how to defuse this tension. There are some simple tips anyone can use in order to break that uncomfortable and awkward situation.
Method 1: Apologize
As annoying, frustrating, or stupid it may seem to you, apologizing for your part in the tension is a great way to help relieve it. There may be times where you are not even aware of what it is you have done wrong. This is especially true when there are smaller or subtle problems, rather than a large one.
However, if you think hard enough, chances are you can think of something you did to add to the tension and problems. Once you can think of something you did wrong, make a sincere apology. You would be surprised just how quickly your partner is willing to then concede what he or she did wrong as well.
By showing you are willing to admit your own missteps; you show your partner that you are actively aware in the relationship. Often times, this is enough to open a proper dialogue.
Method 2: Opening Dialogue
Opening dialogue is one of the best ways to remove tension. in relationships. It is almost universal that tension will grow when things are not talked about. Sometimes we do not talk about things because we do not know what to say. Other times we are afraid what we will say in anger.
It is advisable that you do not hide your feelings and be hurtful or mean when you do decide to open dialogue. Starting a conversation with an apology is the best way to open the conversation. When someone hears you apologize, he or she is much less likely to assume you are attacking him or her. This means they will be less defensive, and are more willing to open constructive dialogue.
Next, remain calm and talk rationally about the problem in the rest of the conversation.
Method 3: Tell Your Partner You Are Walking Away
When tension is high, let your partner know you need to clear your head on a walk, and then you would like to talk. This gives your partner time to think of what he/she wants to say. That way, they do not feel ambushed when you return and wish to talk.
Make sure your partner understands that you need a moment to gather your thoughts. It does you no good to simply walk away without saying anything. This will only add to the tension, because your partner does not know the intention of your leaving. Letting them know you are clearing your head lets them understand your intention. This allows them to realize you are engaging in productive thinking, and not simply leaving in anger.
Method 4: Admit There is Tension
If your relationship is not ready for this more advanced concepts, then at the very least allow your partner to know you are feeling tension. It is possible that the tension is mostly or exclusively on your end. Remember that while the tension may be palpable to you, your partner may not feel it. He or she may in fact just be confused by your general actions. By letting your partner know, there is a chance for discussion. Dialogue is always the goal to keep in mind to make sure you can work through the tense moments.
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