Guys have walls and it is hard to break them down. It is an old truth that persists to this day. Since there has been man and woman, men have been the sex to put up more walls when it comes to feelings. Even in the modern age, where speaking on feelings is more acceptable, men struggle to do so openly.
Or, perhaps there is a better way to phrase it. Men struggle to express it in a way that women readily understand. Plenty of men do have emotions, fears, hopes, and emotive responses. They simply tend to express it in a different way.
It is not because they are incapable or unable to do it in other ways. They are often simply lacking the tools and confidence that is required of them to do so. While women are able to be open with their feelings, fears, and hopes, it is seen socially as a weakness in men.
Recognize and Appreciate His Efforts
One of the big barriers with communication is that men and women simply communicate in different ways. Often times one gender will blame the other. This does not solve anything and misses the problem. It is not that your man does not know how to express himself.
It is that you are not aware of how he IS expressing himself. Become familiar with the way he shows his affections. They may not always be the way you expected them to be expressed. In fact, sometimes you may need someone to explain to you just how what he is doing is a sign of affection.
It is a two-way street, as many men have the exact problem with female emotions and responses. The trick is to become educated regarding one another’s actions and intentions. When you are able to figure out his sharing and expressions, then let him know you notice.
When it comes to affection, many men may do little things. These actions can include small things like holding a door open or opening a jar of preserves for you without you asking. This is a small sign of affection.
If he is looking to bond, he may ask you to watch something with him. It could be something you know you do not enjoy, but the point is not that you must enjoy it. Rather it is that he is letting you view a piece of what he enjoys. Take the moment to appreciate the gesture.
When it comes to being hurt or frustrated, men can be almost completely cryptic. They may show frustration at something random, or “blow off steam” by working on something. Doing something nice for him, or just being a positive influence lets him know you are aware of his emotions.
Finally, the most rare for males to express is their vulnerability. This part of the “real him” often comes in the form of stories of embarrassment or fear. Make sure you fully appreciate his effort to express to you these feelings. Few are able to hear such stories from most men, and they should be treated as sincere attempts to let you into to whom he really is.
Avoid Asking Directly
While it is not a universal rule, asking directly about a man’s emotions usually will not elicit a quality response. Men are rarely as connected to their feelings through words as women are. While this is not always the case, even the most affluent male tends to want to talk about his emotions less than the average woman does.
If your man is angry, frustrated, or generally perturbed, the best way to get him to express is by giving him an indirect outlet. Men have to feel very comfortable to talk about what their problem is. It is equally true for when they are feeling rather excited or hopeful about something.
No matter what the emotion, indirect activity tends to bring forth the discussion. For instance, classic males tend to talk about their emotions in two primary arenas. They will talk about it in a bar, while fishing, or after a healthy workout.
Of course, these two locations are metaphorical for some. Nevertheless, each has something in common. Each location involves the man focusing on something other than the problem directly. When a man has time to focus on something else, he can often find the time to articulate his words better.
This is because he is no longer holding pent-up emotion toward the situation. Getting a man to explain his “real self” involving any situation usually takes time. The fishing analogue is the most apt. It can take a lot of patience, a lot of silence, and a little luck.
Never Tell and Never Judge His Stories
If you are able to get a man to open up, never repeat his stories to anyone ever. For one reason or another, men have to keep certain things private from 99% of the population. Even if it something you personally do not find any importance to, you must remain his keeper.
Any telling of his personal self to others is a huge breach of trust. It takes so much time and energy to get to the real him that you do not want to have to work your way back. Consider his secrets to be more important than your own (when it comes to keeping them secret).
If you are able to show him that kind of self-control and loyalty, then he will reward you with giving more of himself to you than anyone else. Finally, never judge his stories. Stay neutral and understanding no matter what he tells you (within reason).
A man’s secrets are usually his very soul, and so to cast judgment is to cast judgment on his very identity. Men have an extremely hard time coming back from the hurt of being judged when vulnerable. By keeping neutral and silent, you avoid hurting him in nearly the most painful way possible.
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