When a relationship is dying, you may start grasping at straws trying to save it. You may even wonder if it is worth the effort and if dignity can be spared. The truth is, it can, but it will take hard work. There are several tips below to help you save your relationship that is currently on life support.
There are sins that point to a relationship headed toward the end and it typically starts with fading attraction for one another. You may also fight more often, which means it is time to get to work as soon as possible.
Time
Though time is a precious commodity, the best thing you can give to a dying relationship is time. Make time to reconnect with one another. Pay attention to what your partner is saying and doing so you can find clues to help the relationship heal.
Communication
Communication, the right form anyway, is necessary in every relationship. You need to know how to communicate well and be a good listener. This involves asking questions, listening and then, after they have spoken, offering your opinion. This does not involve constantly nagging your partner. Over half of all relationship problems, come down to poor communication skills. So this is a great area to work on overall.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is important because it offers the opportunity to let go of anger and bitterness that is likely tearing your relationship apart. Whatever happened is in the past and if you can truly forgive and let it go, then the relationship is more likely to heal. You may not ever forget, but forgiveness is about no longer holding the issue against the other person. Remember that forgiveness is a process and will not happen all at once, but it is something you can practice with daily.
Avoid Hurtful Things
Stop doing things to actively harm your relationship. This includes having an attitude that is not needed and can cause fights. One example that can cause problems is jealousy, especially without basis. SO avoid this type of behavior.
Our words carry power and once said, they can never truly be taken back. Use language that is loving, respectful, and hopeful to bring your relationship back to life.
Commit
Commitment in a relationship takes work. You have to decide to put in the time and effort to make it work. If you lose sight of what you have, allowing your heart and mind to wander, then your relationship can suffer. If you do leave, your next relationship will not be better unless you are willing to work at it as well. You must see the challenges you have as opportunities to learn, turning conflict into connection as long as the relationship is not abusive.
Boundaries
Setting boundaries actually allows for freedom in other areas. Set boundaries that both you and your partner agree on and can adhere to over time. Be honest with your partner about what you want and listen to what they want as well. Set the boundaries that are within what you are capable of keeping.
Something Special
A dying relationship can often start healing with a special trip or event that you can both enjoy. Take time to plan a short trip or a date night that will reignite the passion you once had, even if it is by trying something new and exciting.
Affection
When a relationship is dying, one of the first things to go is affection. In the beginning, you may have never wanted to keep your hands to yourself, but now it seems awkward. While long-term couples may not show affection as often, it should still be an active part of the relationship.
Shower Together
Save time and show some love without adding to your schedule by showering together. This is an intimate and vulnerable setting in which you can talk things through while doing something necessary, getting clean. The physical closeness and touch can connect you in new ways. Try this a couple times a week.
Sex
Sex may be a rare occurrence in a struggling relationship, but even if you are not currently in the mood, craving intimacy can mean you are still bonded as partners. If it feels weird to not have sex, even when fighting, then there is still hope.
Share Your Love
Everyone appreciates love in a different way or finds different things truly loving. Express your love to your partner in a meaningful way to them. For some this may mean a love poem, while for the partner a game of paint ball is more appropriate. Take some time to think about what your partner will appreciate most.
Outside Influences
Most importantly, other than professional counselors, keep others out of your relationship. A relationship is between those in the relationship only and letting in outside influences can be toxic. People may mean to give good advice, but they are not in the relationship and cannot understand everything. Relationships are private and should be kept as such.
However, if nothing else has worked, seek professional help. This is a neutral third party that can be talked to as a couple to help find middle ground.
No Assumptions
A relationship is not ever about fixing another person. This should never be the goal, even after you have been in a relationship for years. Work on healing yourself and accepting your partner as they are in life. Over time, as your spouse realizes you are not trying to force a specific change, they may start to change simply to show their love.
If you have not yet married your partner, know that quirks will be enhanced once you live together. Make sure you can live with things that bug you during the relationship before being married.
Positivity
We have all heard about the concept of smiling, even when you aren’t happy, to improve your mood. This is done in a relationship by focusing on the positives. Find what you appreciate, even when you are angry at the other person, and focus on it as you come to an understanding. A dose of happiness in a relationship can go a long way.
Press Rewind
Sometimes it can be good to look back to the beginning of a relationship when you were in total love and awe. Try some of the things that you both enjoyed in the beginning when the relationship was fun, not habit.
Figure Out The Issues Without Rushing Judgment
It seems simple, but to save a dying relationship, you must identify the problems. There may be things you are both holding to that need discussed. Take time to talk, get it out, and then move on for good. Show compassion as your partner shares and try not to judge or jump to defend yourself. Then keep working toward saving the relationship.
Alter Your Outlook
Look for the silver lining in every bad situation. Often, when we are confronted with a difficult period in life, we accept defeat instead of working toward a solution together. Shake things up and keep working, looking for new approaches to breathe life back into your relationship or marriage.
Accountability and Compromise
Once you have taken time to sit down and discuss areas that need changed or worked on, get to work. As time progresses, check in with one another to see if progress has been made or to acknowledge the changes that are taking place. Once a month, take time to really sit down and talk about what’s changing.
Along with this, if you are both willing to make changes, then you must also learn to compromise. A bit of give from both sides can help the relationship land on a happy medium. This can save a dying relationship as both sides feel like they can come together with a bit of adjustment.
Surprises
Most people like surprises. Take time to plan something for your partner that is a good surprise. This can be as simple as a hand picked flower or as big as an international vacation. Keep the love alive with those little surprises that shake up the routine once in awhile.
Self-Care
It can be tempting to spend all your time complaining about your relationship or your spouse, but this does no good. Take the focus off the problems and care for yourself by talking to a friend (not complaining), taking up a hobby, or simply taking time to relax. The relationship issues can be handled together, but our attitude is up to us.
Conclusion
There are so many factors that can lead to a breakdown within a relationship. Each couple has something different that seems to cause a blow-up or create a rift. As you identify these areas, be patient with yourself and your partner as you work together toward a solution.
Both parties need to be proactive and working on the relationship, even if only one of you has to initially take the lead. Start the conversation in a fun way so you can break the cycle of complaining and problems that are tearing you apart.
