One of the oldest tropes in romance is that of the perfect proposal. It is lovely spring day, a couple is walking hand in hand, or dining by candlelight. Everything looks ideal and then, all of a sudden, the man is on one knee, the whole world knows he is proposing and the girl had absolutely no clue that he was going to take this step. She says yes, usually tearfully and they embrace while the whole world applauds.
That is a lovely thought, but it rarely happens that way. Actually, if a proposal is a complete and utter shock, you are more than likely not ready to marry this person.
Linked to this romantic ideal is the perception that you will just know when the right one has come along. And, yes, that may be the case for some people. But it is not as common as movies would have us think.
A few things to consider when thinking about the one:
Have you every talked about marriage?
It is not realistic to think that your suitor is going to take your by surprise. Marriage is a huge deal and a step that you should take together. The proposal itself can be a surprise but the marriage shouldn’t be.
Marriage is more than the weeding. You should have discussed how you feel about children, your home and how you intend to blend your two lives together. If you feel that you have found the one, ask what their feelings are on marriage in general.
Why do you want to be married?
If all you want is to be married and have a home and kids, remember that you can have the home and the kids on your own. Ask yourself if the person you are with is the person you want to share your home and kids with. If the answer is “no” than they are not the right one to marry. You will not be doing yourself or your children any favors to align yourself to someone who is good enough, but not the one.
Can you see yourself without this person?
Is your life better because of this personal? Are they the first person you turn to with good news and can you rely on them when the news is bad? Can you have a conversation with them? Do they confide in you? Can you believe what they say? They can be great people and great company but not be the one for you. Think for a minute how your life would be if they were not around. If the things you miss are legitimate and things that only they can provide, then you may have found your life match.
You are the only one who can decide if your current partner is the one you want to be with forever. If you can’t make up your mind, do some soul searching. If he is truly the one, go on and talk to him about marriage. If he runs screaming into the night, he is not the one for you. If he agrees to talk and wants to have a real conversation, cover all of the bases before you make up your mind.