love with a narcissist

You may be in love with a narcissist and now even realize it.  An umbrella term of behaviors to notice is “love bombing.”  When you become aware of this concept you can more readily spot and address narcissistic patterns before they can cause you pain.  Love bombing seeks to accelerate speed of which romantic feels are developed and nurtured by promoting an extreme climate of affection and adoration.  A narcissist will act in this manner to lower their target’s walls so the relationship pacing is never in question.

Elements to pay heed to are ample confusion, flatter, dependency, and fate:

  • Confusion is caused an overflow of communication between the couple. This can include endless texts, phone calls, social media interaction, or constantly having to meet up in person.  This cacophony of attempts at connection serves to provide the illusion the narcissist views the person as important and unique.  Due to the novel circumstances, the target will begin to think this experience is similar to being in a fairy tale, feeling simultaneously elated and scared.
  • Flattery is common in courtship, but love bombing heightens the sensation. A narcissist will ensure each communication involves ample compliments to lure the target into a state of ample receptivity.  By hearing such amazing feedback, the target enjoys a spike in ego and self-esteem due in part to neurochemical changes in the brain.  This creates a yoked bond between the target and narcissist.  Often victims are people with low self-value and thus they crave this “love” and positive feedback rendering them susceptible to becoming entangled in the narcissist’s trap before they realize the damage being done.
  • Dependency is created by the narcissist within the first weeks of dating. They will tell their target how profoundly they relish time together, that they see a lasting future together, and that they may be falling in love with them.  They harass the victim into reciprocating they feelings in order to prevent them from creating healthy relationship boundaries or timeline.  Limits begin to be placed on the victim’s time, energy, and seeing their loved ones.  In fact, people may remark on the victim’s isolation, but these warnings get minimized due to the “love” shared in the romance.  The narcissist places themselves in a power roll which include because the sole source of affection for their partner.  The longer the dynamic continues the harder it become for the victim to leave.
  • Fate is how the narcissist paints their romance. “I’ve never felt this way before,” “You are the first person I…” and “God/Universe brought us together” are common phrases used.  This clouds the target’s mind and judgment making them unable to truly view the situation or their feelings/emotions/thoughts.  In time, they too will see the relationship as destiny since they can’t relate this relationship to anything previous.

These four aspects enable the narcissist to expediate months’ worth of work of romantic cleaving into a mere few weeks.  This prevents healthy processing on the part of the target as well eliminates the creation of healthy boundaries.  Instead, they believe the narcissist and without warning they get entangled in web of deceit and a powerful physical and emotional romance.

Post break-up love bombing

Love bombing can happen after a victim attempts to leave the relationship.  The split may have gotten toxic following a narcissist losing their power.  Now, they redouble their efforts to charm and seduce their ex.  Again, there will be endless attempts at communication and reconnection.  Voicemails will be left claiming this separation was a hiccup and their love is destined.  Even if the flattery lessened during the course of the relationship, the narcissist will again lay it on think to break down the ex’s guard.  Ultimately, the goal is to woo back the ex, and to regain the power dynamic.

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