Falling in love is wonderful and something that should be savored, not rushed as quickly as possible. Still, too many are in a rush to secure a partner and this can be a detriment to the relationship we are trying to build. You may not know if you are trying to rush things, but we can help. Below are telltale signs that you need to slow it down and let the relationship grow at its natural speed.
On the Rebound
This one is painfully obvious. If you are right out of a long-term relationship and looking for love just because you are lonely, you need to slow it down. Take time to grieve the past relationship then slowly move on. Sometimes people connect quickly and are so relieved they rush to create something permanent. This is done out of fear and can cause you to miss red flags and shortcomings that will be a bigger disappointment later on. After you have taken some “me-time”, if you still want a relationship, then go for it.
Constant Check-Ins
If you overanalyze texts or use the phone as a monitor for your partner, then you may be cutting a relationship off before it starts. If you expect an immediate response to a text or try to determine tone of voice from a text alone, there is a problem. If their text etiquette is problematic for you, then talk about it. If nothing changes, you may be happier with someone else.
Over Vulnerability
Trust is something another person earns and is built over time, not something you freely give on the third date to a virtual stranger. Make sure who you are with is really worthy of trust and vulnerability before sharing your deepest, darkest secrets. Remember, romance is an emotional roller coaster and too often we take unnecessary risks. Offer your partner a little trust and if they prove worthy, a little more. This can be built over time.
Spending Too Much Time with Them
Though it can be a tough rule to adhere too, every other night sleepovers should be avoided early on in a relationship. It can feel comfortable to spend lots of time with someone new, but this person and you both have your own lives as well. Merging both lives without leaving room for individual things that are separate can create problems down the line.
Mapping Out the Future
Nothing can compare to the emotions of the first days or a new relationship, but these are feelings, not necessarily love. Many people confuse the word love with being in love. You may be in love early on because this is about passion and lust, but loving someone is more long-term after you know each other really well.
Ignoring Non-Negotiables
A new relationship tends to mean we have grabbed the rose colored glasses and the other person is perfect. Even their quirky behavior may seem fun and lovable, which is okay short term. However, if there is a huge gap between your value systems and view and theirs, then these are not to be overlooked. We all bring a full life of experiences to a relationship and while there will be some differences of opinion. If it seems you agree on absolutely everything, then make sure you are not downplaying your opinions or are idealizing your partner. No one is totally like another person.
Considered Living Together
Logistically, moving in together seems to make sense as bills are cut in half and you come home to someone you enjoy, but cohabitation prior to a clear, mutual commitment leads to a higher risk for divorce and marriage dissatisfaction overall. Rushing to live together is actually a red flag. Intimate relationships should progress naturally, so build a foundation first, commit to one another, and then live together.
