There are many women out there who have tried every conceivable idea to change their man. The process is tiresome, frustrating, and downright maddening at times. While their intentions may be good, the very problem is that they are trying to do something that is not achievable.
Trying to change a man is not only impossible, but also likely part of whatever problem you are experiencing in the relationship. Learn alternatives from feeling like it is your job to change him, and you will likely find the relationship to be much more satisfactory.Moreover, you may actually find that the relationship is healthier overall. When a relationship is healthier, you may find a natural change in him.
Men Are Not Dogs nor from Mars
A common misconception is thrown around far too often regarding men. To put it bluntly, men are neither dogs nor from mars. While most people will say, “Of course they aren’t. Nobody thinks that.
It is the mantra that many times we internalize. When we internalize the concept of men being like dogs or from mars, we then may begin to treat them like they need to be modified. This is a dangerous mindset to have with your man.
Why is it dangerous? It is dangerous because it causes you to start treating him as something that needs to be bettered or changed. While nobody is saying men (or your man in particular) are perfect, you also should not treat him as something that must be trained.
Doing so makes your man on a subliminal lower pegging than you. He will note the general tone when you speak to him in such a manner. Everybody knows how it feels to be talked down to, and it is never fun. So do not treat your man as a dog or an alien that must “be taught the proper values.” Instead, understand that men work on a slightly different wavelength, but are generally the same in their wants, desires, and needs. It is not your job to change them.
The Perfect Girlfriend Tactic Does Not Work
If you are trying to change your man, chances are you went through a phase of trying to be perfect. You may, in fact, still be in that phase. Here is a little secret, changing yourself to change him is ridiculous. If you have to change who you are in order to get what you want out of him… then you are not really change him.
All that has happened is that you are misleading him into a false sense of who you are. There is nothing to be gained from these mind games. It is also simply wasted energy. When you begin to act more attentive and caring, men do not see it as a sign that they should start acting better. Usually, they will simply note the change and go on with their general day.
This may be a frustrating fact for some to heart, but it is true. It is one of the positives of men, however. Because if you are angry or stressed for long periods, men will react in much the same way. Men are accustomed to navigating the hills and valleys of female emotions. When you begin to act positively, they simply thank their lucky stars and try not to move too much in fear of ruining it.
Communicate What You Want
It is no secret men are rarely great at communicating. Nevertheless, women can be cryptic as well. What you think is straightforward may not be at all to a man. If you are trying to change your man, you might as well be straightforward about it.
Men respond to direct actions. Men, in general, respond to logic and valid arguments. If you become emotional with your wants and desires, men often begin to withdraw from the conversation. If you make straightforward and abrupt points, men will often be able to respond.
Therefore, when you have a want or desire from your man, the best action is to simply let him know. Do not yell at him in anger or be rude with your want. Simply state what you want with as little emotion as possible. The reason being that emotion will distract him from being direct back.
Your man may not always respond in the way that you want. He may be blunt about not wanting the same thing you do. When this happens, it is important not to lose your focus on keeping emotion out of the equation. Think of your partner as a telemarketer that you have on the phone.
If you yell or lose your temper in ANY way, you can expect him to hang up. You simply need to get your point across and he needs to hear it. He may be resistant at first. Give him time and have faith that he will eventually hear what it is that you are saying. If your relationship is strong, he will likely be willing to try to adhere to some of your wants.
You Can’t Change Him, but He Can Change
While you cannot change your man, the fact is that he can and may change. If you use proper communication tactics and are honest and kind, you may just get what you want. Often, when women want change, it is for the relationship to take the next step.
When your man is not ready, he simply is not ready. The best way to bring him around to changing is by understanding he has to do it on his own time. Communicate with him what you want. Even if he is closed off to it for the time being, he will keep that want in mind.
If he is truly unable to want the same thing, he will let you know. If he is able to change, he will make the effort in due time. Just remember that it is not you changing him. It is him changing on his own.