Women always ask the same question – “Why does my man lie to me that he has a work thing when clearly he is not at work!” Then a follow up statement ensues – “He is cheating on me!” Oops, miss, hold your horses. A lying man is not always a cheating man but there is great likelihood that he is. It is not a 100% foolproof reason though.
Men lie for a variety of reasons. What women believe to be shallow is a very valid reason on why men lie. The root of it all is fear. They lie because they fear the outcome of telling the truth. So to avoid “problems” due to “honesty”, men tell a little (or big) white lie so that they are no more issues afterwards. And no matter how forceful women are about communicating to a man – “Tell the truth, always, please, even if it hurts!”, they are not born that way. This is what women have to understand in order to have a sane life. Stressing about why men lie is a wasted energy.
Now, I have interviewed 9 men of different backgrounds in life who told me the main reason (for them) as to why they lie to the woman they love. Bear in mind: LIE TO THE WOMAN THEY LOVE. It means that a lying man loves their woman very deeply but can still manage to lie. So it is not about not loving their wife, partner, or girlfriend.
They also lie to their mother, sister, cousin, aunt, friend and the list goes on. They are just being coward men. The sad fact is that, men lie because they are born that way. They cannot help it. To those who can, they have practiced the art of honesty and in reality, the statistics of honest men is one out of one million. Seriously.
Moving on, here are 3 common reasons these nine men told me, more or less. I have taken the three vividly explained answers to me and I am attempting to make all women understand why their men lie so they can do something about it!
For lying guy number one…
(Paul, 18 year old part time student assistant, taking up Information Technology at the local University and is still single, dating and looking for the right one, as he says)
“I used to have a girlfriend who broke up with me because of my lying to her. I told her on several occasions that I am at work. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT HER FEELINGS and blow her off. So I tell her something valid – I am working even if I am playing my Diablo games online with some buddies. Hey, I need alone time too, you know. But I really like her. I told her one time that I cannot hang out with her because I want to play and she was so hurt with that. So I never did it again. But she broke it off anyway.”
“I do not want to want to hurt her feeling by telling the truth. Women are like soap opera series. They love dramatic encounters. So if a woman is hurt because of the truth, men react to it as: Ok, next time, no more honesty crap. I will lie. I will tell her nothing so that she will not get hurt.”
Men think differently. It is always compartmentalizing things – Win or lose. Victory or defeat. Good or bad. And lying is good if hurting is bad. Lying is winning when if hurting is losing. They do not want tears. And with that, with lying, they can sleep at night because they know that you are sleeping well too.
For lying guy number two…
(Joe, 23 years old, Gasoline station attendant, still living with his mom and has a girlfriend)
“Sob, sob, sob. You don’t love me anymore. You hate me. I see you looking at other women. Why are you not here? Blah blah blah, DRAMA. I CANNOT TAKE IT. I just tell my girlfriend everytime she asks for me and is acting like a baby that I have to do some overtime at work. Where I go? Far from her when she is in her drama mode. Yeah, I know, I am a jerk sometimes but too much emotional encounters depresses me.”
Men are not good at being emotional. It is a struggle for them. Women, on the other hand, are emotional beings. So it is very easy to cry and talk about almost anything dramatic. You have to understand that men are never going to be that way but they do deal with their troubles and pains in another way – a way women will never know. Now, to avoid dramatic encounters, they just lie. They want an easy life, not a life filled with pains. Crying is pain.
For lying guy number three…
(Michael, 38 years old, Business owner, married for 8 years and father of 2)
“I am a husband and a father. I cannot make my family see that I have weaknesses and that I can break down at any time. I have to lie to protect my image and my pride. I have insecurities and I do not want to burden my wife with it. I keep it to myself until I am ready to go home and act as if everything is fine with me. I tell her that I am at the office or with a client if the issue comes up and haunts me. I have cheated once or twice which I do not want to repeat again because I love my wife and I think of my two girls. So, in my down times, I hide in my office, sleep at my brother’s guest house and wake up in time to go home at night or drive to the next city and back. I cannot show to her that I am weak. I just can’t”
Oh well, pride. Men are perceived to be so strong – the knight in shining armor. But they are just human. Even they themselves fail to see it and they deny their shortcomings in character and abilities. Again, this is a “man” thing. They will rather lie to women than to let them see who they really are which is sad.
So here are 3 common reasons on why men lie. As women, we may not like it. As men, we say, “Yes, that is me!”. But a lie is still a lie. Even if you commit it for the right reasons, it will always bite back at you. Lying will create a lot of troubles for you in the future.