“There is no doubt in my mind. I love my wife so dearly. But I cannot control my urges. I steal looks whenever I can and fantasize about my office mate. Dang! She is one piece of God-given creature to my eyes. And she has been hinting at me all these months. I cannot stop thinking about her. And yet, I go home to my wife of 14 years. She used to be like this woman.. Now, I do not see her as the sex goddess she once was.”
This came from Michael, a 33-year old father of 4 and married to the same woman for 14 years. He admitted cheating on his wife all those years in 6 different occasions with 5 different women. His wife was suspicious but his being discreet about affairs hid the evidence. Still, he never wanted to leave his wife because he loved her. He loved being a husband and a father of 4. But he insisted that he wanted more.
Men are visual beings and if this satisfaction cannot be met with their current partner, the tendency is he will look for it somewhere else. Men are built that way. It is in their genetic disposition to be polygamous. That’s just how it is with men, generally.
I do not want to look at other women anymore…
If you want to save your relationship, read on and understand why you feel the way you do. It is not the end of the world and there are things you can do to bring back the electricity and the heat you once felt for your partner. But like any other job, this will be hard work on YOUR part.
Reason # 1 – Routine in Everything
Reason # 2 – Body Changed after Giving Birth
Reason # 3 – Nagging too much
Day in, day out – The cycle goes on…You and your partner or wife wake up at 6. You take a bath while she prepares breakfast. You knock on the kids doors and see to it that they clean up. You set the table and she takes a quick shower. She comes to the kitchen in time for everyone to eat. You take the bigger kids to school while she drops off your 2-year old at the daycare.You go to work. You are serious with work for 10 hours then come home. You hear her cook some dinner. You eat together and after that, you watch TV. She does her thing in the kitchen then orders the kids to get to bed. Of course, she arrived home earlier than you did and cleaned up everything. She also helped the kids with homework. By 10PM, you want to get intimate but she is dead tired, snoring even…
This goes on and on every single day. If you get lucky, there is action once a week. Sometimes, a month passes without sexual contact. Sex always has to be on schedule and timed; always a quickie because she is very tired. Every day is a regular and routinary act for the both of you. Kids come first for her. Work comes second. You are third. This makes you want to distance yourself a little.
I want a trophy wife I can show off to my friends. Where is that sexy body? I am dying to see it once again! She used to be an hour glass too. After the first child, she gained 20 lbs and left it there hanging. The second child came and there was an excess baggage of 10 lbs. Now, she is wearing frumpy and grandma clothes. She is not anymore that sex siren you once had an obsession on. The mouth that never stops makes me wanna scream…And because she had to work, take care of the kids and the home, she is often stressed out. She mouths about anything she can see at home and with you. Nag, nag, nag… It feels like you are in a warzone with grenades exploding everywhere you step on.
I want to fix things before it is too late, but how?
How do you tell your partner that you are bored, that you feel bad on how she is letting herself go and for her to stop from nagging too much? It is likely that your wife or partner is unaware of your feelings. You have to communicate with her and tell her how you feel. The only thing you can do is fix the situation. Learn how to accept and adjust with the woman you love. Eventually, you will find her attractive in bed once again.
One husband said that he talked to her wife and told her that he has some issues with her and their marriage but he was careful with his words. He did not say “bored”, “fat” or “nagger”. What he said were:
1. How about we change up the things we do every day to make our day more exciting? I will help you with the kids and with chores at home. Then maybe we can have fun after, some wine and cheese while we comfort each other in bed? I miss you so much.
2. How about we go to the gym together or take a walk 3 to 4 times a week? We have to slim down for HEALTH ISSUES since obesity is an epidemic. I do not want to lose you because you are the love of my life and the mother of my children. And you know what, you will look so much hotter when you’re all lean, just like when you were 20 and a tigress!
3. I know you are very tired at work. What stresses you out? I hate seeing you so anxious and depressed all the time. (Hear your wife and be her support system.)
If you talk this way with your partner, you will find out her set of reasons for being stuck in a routine, why she is not feeling that sexy vibe and why she has to nag all the time. You will also begin to understand her. Marriage is a commitment with the same person for eternity. You made that promise. You will fall out of love many times over but have to work on falling in love again with the same woman. This is a fact of life. This is being in a commitment. If you love her that much and want her in your life, find a way for her to make an effort and be attentive to you. You can give her that loving nudge.