Dealing with the reminisce of a relationship after an affair can be one of the most difficult situations to deal with in life. You are dealing with a situation where someone has broken a solemn promise to a person they have guaranteed their life’s affection to.
There are hurt feelings, lost respect and hope, and the feeling that there may be no way back. Figure out if you are capable of moving forward after a spell of infidelity is one of the harder decisions a couple has to make. However, a necessary activity so that you can move forward with life, whether it is together or alone. For the best opportunity to succeed, there are some basic concepts to keep in mind.
Admit the Problem
One of the most important aspects when dealing with infidelity is to admit that there was infidelity to begin with. This is important for both the person who acted and their partner. The person who was unfaithful must be willing to see and admit their transgression for what it is.
The partner must be willing to look at the person who was unfaithful and see him or her as both the same person they love as well as the person who was unfaithful. If the couple cannot admit to the seriousness and reality of the situation at hand, then there is little hope of actually being capable of overcoming the seriousness of the situation.
Honesty About What Happened
When one has caused a relationship to be cast upon the rocks due to infidelity, he or she must be honest. Without pure honesty, there is not any hope of rebuilding any relationship. A person who has acted unfaithfully can still salvage hope if they can remain honest.
Honesty means coming out with the truth before being blamed, as well as not attempting to hide anything if confronted. This honesty means being willing to divulge the entirety of the infidelity. There is an important distinction to make, which is that being honest does not mean giving every detail.
The partner does not want to you lay out every single detail of your affair, but instead simply needs to know what, when, and who with the transgressions occurred. Holding back the basic information can do no good and only leaves unrooted problems for later.
Honesty About What You Want
Both parties must be clear on if the relationship has any salvaging possibility at all. It is best not to attempt to make this decision right away. However, most of us know immediately whether we can truly recover from the current emotional damage.
What is most important is that both parties are honest. Both persons may feel there is simply no point in trying any more, which saves time and wasted effort. However, if one or both still want to try to find a way through the difficult time, then they can move to the next phase of recovery.
While it may be difficult, giving each other proper space to deal with the affair is important. Not everyone deals with these issues in the same manner. Furthermore, not everyone can handle the emotional pangs of seeing their partner after an affair has been brought to the surface.
Giving space does not have to mean moving apart or temporarily breaking up. Giving space can simply mean not trying to force the issue of fixing the problem. Allow the person to be angry and vent in his or her own way. If the partner needs to stay with family or asks you to leave temporarily, it is often best to comply and let emotions cool down.
Seek Outside Help
Very few individuals possess the capabilities to work out the complex emotional damage an affair can cause. Even therapists or couples specialist can deal with personal issues by themselves and often seek outside help. It is very difficult to navigate the emotions of that come up during the unearthing of an affair and the attempts to rebuild a relationship. Seeking the help of a trained professional is often the best hope a couple has. A specialist can guide emotion and wanted action in the proper way and at appropriate levels.
Allow Time to Heal
It can be very difficult to fathom in the moment, but time truly does heal all wounds. Trying to force healing is often a very poor idea and only does more harm than good. Instead, be supportive of the process of healing. Be aware that emotional wounds take a considerable amount of time to heal, especially when trust is lost. Time also allows you to improve on your own character and ability to show the partner that you care. This is true for both sides of the issue. Many times those who have been hurt try to force themselves to heal too quickly, only to have negative repercussions later.
Build Back Slowly
As stated above, time must do its work. You cannot force the healing and reconnection process to occur. Instead, taking the time to first improve the self and then improve the relationship is the only surefire way to have possible success.While it may be hard to comprehend in the heat of anguish and anger, making small day-to-day improvements on the broken relationship is key. Build small moments of trust every day can help begin to build back what was lost by having an affair.
Being able to find moments to laugh together again, no matter how small and ridiculous will also slowly begin to build back a worthwhile friendship. It is a foolhardy to attempt to conjure a grandiose action that you believe will make everything better. While the gesture may be appreciated and admired in the short-term, the hard facts are that with an affair, a relationship is broken. Luckily, many things that are broken can be mended, and they just take time and concerted effort.